An Itty Bitty Baby Torch

Hi friends.  So I would like to begin this post by apologizing for being an epic fail at this whole blog thing.  I clearly am not good at keeping up to date posts and letting you all know what is happening in my life.  I am very sorry and hope you will all forgive me.  Thanks for sticking with me if you are still reading this and I am now going to spend some time writing a few posts to catch you up on all that has been happening in my life as best I can.

God is so good and has been doing so much in my life.  He is constantly calling me deeper into my relationship with him and in my faith.  I was reading my journals from the beginning of my NET year and reflecting on all the ways I have grown this year and all God has done in my heart and I am amazed, partly because I still seem to have the same struggles a lot of days and get frustrated that I just don’t seem to get it.   But even when I don’t think I am growing at all and nothing is changing in my life I know that is not true because God is ever faithful and I know he is always with me and helping me grow daily.  I may stumble, a lot, but he never leaves my side and continues to guide me on my journey.  I gave a talk a couple of weeks ago on faith and I discovered how I view my life and my faith and I think it applies very much to this idea.

See, I picture my life as basically this great black void.  The black void isn't nothingness but rather it’s like someone just turned out the lights on my life so I can’t see anything.  But I’m not completely in the dark; I have an itty bitty baby torch.  This torch brings some comfort but really is only enough light to show the ground at my feet and not much else.   I know there is a path for my life out there somewhere in the darkness of my future I just can’t see it!  It is so frustrating.  But as I walk along this path with great trepidation and fear I know I am not alone.  Jesus is walking right beside me and because he is God of course he can see in the dark and knows the path that lies ahead.  As I walk with him I just want desperately for someone to turn on the floodlights or give me night vision goggles but of course that doesn't happen.  The only choice I have is to grab hold of Jesus’ hand and let him guide me. 

For those of you who have ever done a trust activity with me you know how hard this is for me.  I remember at camp one time having to do a trust activity where everyone held their hands out at eye level to create the most terrifying tunnel in existence.  See, we were expected to run through this tunnel and as we came everyone would raise their arms leaving us free from the black eye I was convinced could be the only outcome of this little experiment.  The first time I ran through this form of torture I crouched down into a little ball, closed my eyes and ran under the arms because there was no way I was running headlong into that!  Needless to say they made me do it over and over again until I could run, very slowly, through this tunnel upright.  Every time I ran through the tunnel I was terrified but the more I watched everyone else do it and get through unscathed I started to believe maybe I would survive as well.  I slowly learned to trust the people in the tunnel and although this particularly activity is still not my idea of fun I can say that I am able to run through the tunnel upright with eyes open most of the way.

Trusting in God’s plan for my life has always been a struggle 

for me.  I am naturally a planner and therefore want a game plan for my life and as I've stated in other posts I like to have a plan for what my life will look like in the future.  I don’t do the whole itty bitty baby torch that lights the ground I’m on and that’s it thing.  This year and really my whole life is a great long lesson in trusting in God and his plan for my life.  All I have is my itty bitty baby torch and Jesus by my side to get through the darkness and since the torch is mostly worthless I have to trust Jesus to guide me.  I often try to wander on my own and end up in some ditch covered in mud. However, Jesus is always with me and although he may laugh with me about being covered in mud and yet another failed attempt to do things on my own he always loves me and is there to pick me up, clean the mud off and keep going. 

I am currently in the midst of the great job hunt of 2013 and most days I’m terrified because I have no idea where God is going to take me.  I've applied for many jobs, some close to home, some not so much, and I have no idea what the next step in my life will be but I’m trying to take my itty bitty baby torch and Jesus’ hand and trust he will guide me.  He knows where I am supposed to be next year and if I can just continue to trust in him and listen to him I know it will all work out.  I found this great quote that has really inspired me in this and it goes like this, “Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It’s simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.”  I don’t have to have all the answers for my future; I don’t have to know the path.  I just need to keep taking steps and letting the Lord lead me.

So, that is just one of the things God is doing in my life right now.  I will write more letting you know of the adventures I have been on and the ministry and much more,  I promise!