It’s yet another gloomy rainy day here in Ireland. I am
sitting by the fire in our living room watching the rain come down with a hot
cup of coffee writing you all. You know how in movies when the main character
is doing something similar to what I am doing today it often leads to some
great epiphany by that character as they contemplate the greater meaning of
life. Well, I can't guarantee any major epiphanies but I am feeling
rather reflective today so we'll see how this goes.
Lately I've been
thinking a lot about my life and the direction God has taken me. Can I just say
it is not exactly what I expected! I never in a million years would have
guessed I would head to Ireland to do another year of NET after I graduated
college. My life plans went something like this... After graduation I
would find a job doing youth or music ministry in a Catholic parish somewhere
close to home, probably in Wyoming or Colorado. I would love my job and
eventually meet a nice guy who would love Jesus and we would fall in love and
get married. We would then spend some time traveling the world together
before settling down and starting a family. From there you can guess
where this is going. The typical movie theme, we live happily ever after with
tons of family and friends around until we die at a nice old age after a life
spent with loved ones. Now, most of that could still happen, just not in
the timing I expected. However, this is yet another time God has proven
to me that his plans are always way better than mine!
I may not have planned this 9 month adventure in Ireland but it
has been one of the best experiences of my life. God is teaching me so many lessons and
helping me grow so much and I just know he has so much more for me.
One area my family and team are very grateful I have grown is
staying calm while driving. Before this
year I would often get nervous and freak out when driving, especially when
lost. Now, I still struggle with this at
times (especially in big cities) but I think my little brother and team can
testify that I freak out much less. I
have also learned that my body, gluten and dairy don’t mix and am learning to
change my diet to take care of myself.
It is hard to change a lifetime of eating habits and I have definitely
had my struggles. Saying no to ice cream is still one of the hardest things I
have to do. It may be hard but through
this challenge I am growing in self-discipline and a new respect for my
body. I am learning to appreciate how
important it is to take care of myself and eat foods that fuel my body and keep
me healthy rather than empty fats and sugars.
Next, is overcoming my lifelong habit of hitting snooze in the morning!
I am also learning this year to trust in the Lord’s plan for my
life (again!). I have always had plans
for my life and sometimes they are in line with God’s and sometimes they are
not. God has always provided for me and I
have had an incredibly blessed life because of it. They say hindsight is 20/20 and that is
definitely the case with me and my life.
I tend to freak out about not knowing my next move and then God reveals
it and sometimes we argue about it because I don’t always want to go where He
wants me to but eventually I concede and realize He was right along, just like
every other time we had the same argument.
I am now trying to trust from the start to avoid the struggle that
always comes with trying to fight God’s plan.
I currently have no plan for my life and although it terrifies me
I have a strange sort of peace about it that is a rather new concept in my life.
I have no idea where I am going in
June. I don’t know what I want to do
with my life as far as finding a job and career goes. I have no clue where I will live and how I
will afford to live there when I get there.
I have $10,000 of student loans to come home to, plus sponsorship yet to
raise for my year here on NET and currently make 100 euro a month. I have no car (I sold mine to come to Ireland).
I don’t even own a bike! Not to mention
I am often reminded of my lack of direction by friends who have careers, are
getting married and having babies. I
love my friends and family and am incredibly happy for all of them and the joys
life has brought them. I would never
wish ill on them and pray for their continued happiness every day. It can just be hard to feel like I’m being
left behind in my life at times.
Granted, most of them are not living in foreign countries on this crazy
adventure but lately I’ve been sitting around just wondering when my life is
going to begin. I keep thinking someday
I’ll have the life all my friends and family are living and then my real life
will begin. The other day my supervisor
Kristen reminded me however that I have to stop waiting for my life to begin
because it’s happening now and I’m just letting it slip by. She asked me, “If you’re life hasn’t begun
then who’s life are you living?” It may
seem silly but I had never thought about it like that. Through that conversation and others and lots
of prayer I am starting to accept that my life isn’t like my friends and that’s
ok. It’s great actually! While I would still like a life like my
friends and family someday I am learning to be grateful and thank God for this
amazing journey I am on. It isn’t what I
had planned but that is because God always knows best!
Thank you all for your support of me and helping me on this
amazing journey. I am incredibly
grateful for you love and support. Know
that I am praying for everyone reading this blog and supporting me.
God Bless,
Amy
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